The following I wrote August 19th, 2016…….
I stood at the point of no return and knew there was no going back. I stood there knowing I would have to continue forward, putting one foot in front of the other. I had to go forward because I knew that it was the only way to get through this hell. Forward was the only way through this nightmare, and into the light. The only way I would survive this road would by faith and faith alone. The journey has been so long and trying, full of unimaginative horrors along the way. I am tired, so very tired but I must keep my head up and hold on to my hope in order to believe that my nightmarish trip through this dark shrouded triangle of hell was almost over. I just had to keep trudging on this road of sorrow and torment, and always remember to keep moving forward. Just one more day, one more hour, a minute, even one more moment was all I had to endure and it would be okay. I can see the beautiful oasis of peace and healing beckoning to my battered soul and it is but a few more steps ahead of me. I will come through the other side of this labyrinth of never-ending heartbreak, anger, fear, lies, and tears and be okay. I will not be able to hide all the scars from the many cuts that ran deep and zigzag through my heart and soul like a map, daring those brave enough to seek to unlock or try to retrace my steps through hell in hopes of finding the key to surviving their own journey through hell. My wounds will heal and my scars will fade, leaving me with the knowledge and wisdom I have gained on my journey. Scars are a small price to pay for surviving the demons I have faced down and overcome to walk through the fury of hell and come out stronger on the other side. The scars are a price I would gladly pay again to have come through this journey through darkness and to bask in life’s warming light again. Valuable lessons have been learned, truths have been told, lives have been lost, but all of these things have strengthened my beliefs and faith in life. I am a stronger, smarter, more attentive person. I am a friend to some, a mother to many including my own children, and a lover to the one who shared my journey and whose heart is as scarred as mine. I am a daughter to a father lost, granddaughter who longs for whats been taken away and teacher to those willing to learn. I don’t know where the road ahead will lead me, what that next step may bring me to but I have walked through hell and danced with the devil and lived to share my story so that others might be spared the agonies that I endured. I have a purpose on this walk through life, and I am worthy to keep my head high and not always looking down. Life is up and ahead and as I search for my purpose in life I can rest easy knowing my heart is right. I can give freely but no longer am I the downtrodden that is always taken advantage of. Do not mistake my kindness for weakness, because that would be a mistake. Even hell and all its horrors knows that I am no longer afraid!