Happy Thanksgiving to all my family and friends!
I start this morning on a roller coaster ride of emotions, and while I look forward to the day I am also sad. This is my first Thanksgiving without my Dad. Turkey Bird day was always our holiday, and so I am a little lost on this first one without him. There was no 5 am phone call making sure the bird was in the oven so I didn’t forget he would be coming to have bird with us. There was no 6 am call again making sure that things were on schedule. There was no phone calls of any kind. I felt lost and empty and heartbroken all over again. I miss him so much! He always warned me that I would have to prepare myself for the days when he would be gone, I just never thought that those days would be so soon. Sure we had our ups and downs and knock down drag out fights, but at the end of the day my Dad was my best friend. There are so many things every day that are reminders of all the things my Dad and I shared through the years. Some days I get through the day with smiles and laughter at the memories, and other days the memories make me miss him so much my heart aches and I cry. He helped me through so much. He helped me raise my kids, he was the one constant in my life. He was mine to be responsible for and I was his. Many never knew him like I did and many never understood our relationship and that is okay. He was a pretty awesome Pa and I wouldn’t have had him any other way. This has been the hardest death to learn to live with ever in my life, and I try my best to help my kids through it who are hurting as much as I am. Some days it is hard to know what words they need to hear and what advice to give to help them cope with the loss of this man who was a huge part of our world, when I myself am struggling to cope with this loss. We just take it day by day and when that is too much we go moment by moment. We have good days and we have bad days and that is okay. There is no right or wrong answer in coping with the grief we are going through as long as we never give up and give in to the grief we will be okay.I miss you Pa and I know you are having turkey bird with all our loved ones who are in heaven with you. I love you!
July 23, 1955 ~ April 15, 2016