Well it’s Christmas eve and here I am on the brink of my first Christmas without my Pa. I have been moody and bitchy and not pleasant. I had an eye-opening moment today though and realized that even though it has been unintentional I have been being selfish. That while I was so stuck on me and my sorrow and my loss and well me, I forgot to stop and do some giving back to the man who has been my beacon of light through all of this. I love him so much but somehow I stopped being his partner and let him shoulder more than his share of the weight in the care of our well-being. I wallowed in my grief and failed to see that he may be grouchy some days because like me he was still hurting too and doubly so. You see shortly after I lost my Dad, my best friend and the love of my life, the one who has been my rock so many times was not only grieving the loss of my Father, but also the loss of his Grandmother.
.Sometimes when there are so many losses in our life and our grief runs deep and we let it take hold of us. We get so wrapped up in our own sorrow that we forget that we are not the only ones who lost a loved one, and others around us are hurting too. We fail to see that the one we learn to rely on the most for strength and comfort to get us through this awful pain is very likely hurting just as much as we are and often they bury their own pain to be the rock we need. However, even the strongest rock eventually tumbles into the sea of sorrow and be may be swept away if not given the chance to have the same strength and comfort returned to shore them up against the beating of the storms. As couples we need to equally shoulder the responsibility of being one another’s source of strength. We must work together to build one another up and always equally shelter and strengthen the love that will one step at a time move us forward hand in hand through the shadows of sorrow.
That is what I realized today. I am going to try harder to make it a point to be my partners strength as much as he has been mine. Together we will get through this time we need to heal and while the pain will never go away entirely, together we can learn how to get through the sad times. We can shore each other up and one day our hearts will be strong enough together to be able to smile through the tears that sneak up on us and remember all the happy times we once had with those we have lost.
Merry Christmas Baby, together we will get through this first Christmas and we may shed some tears but as time goes by it will get easier and my Dad and your Grandma will forever live on because we will be able to keep their memories going and even smile a time or two while doing it!